So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
