I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
