Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
