1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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