My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
