I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
