he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
