Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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