Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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