So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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