and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
