You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
