we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
