My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
