I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
