Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
