Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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