My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
