I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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