sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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