What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
