Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
