That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
