halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found your dick twin last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
