I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
