Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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