Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Shame - the story of my life.
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