Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
