We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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