After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
