i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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