she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
