stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
