As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
