please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
