im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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