Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
