theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
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HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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