it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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