I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high