Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize