could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
be right there i have to get my cape
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"