your parents love me but you hate me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
