you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
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then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.