and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
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God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?