legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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