I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize