I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
