Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
