Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Couch. On fire.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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