I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
