im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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