shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
