i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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