This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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