Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
