I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
