WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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