We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Drunk is not a location!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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