Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize