Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
