Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
