remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We got so high we made milksteak
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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