After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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