Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
