Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
