don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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