He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
