i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
