am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
