i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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