there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
