There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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