If i come over, it means nothing
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
